Motherhood is overrated : Why I don’t like Mother’s Day

With overwhelming motherhood sentiments around me, I chose to voice my dissent.Don’t get me wrong.I am a blessed mother of an adorable little monster and I love her with all that is me.But this entire sentiment of canonizing mothers and articles, advertisements about a mothers sacrifice, love etc really irks me to no end.I think motherhood is highly overrated.They tend to put a halo around the mother’s head.The self-sacrificing female, who raises the child with her own flesh and blood.The one who sacrifices her life to raise a  good human being, who brings new life and all the associated jazz seems straight out of movies.

But is it all really self-sacrifice?Creating a new life from your own flesh and blood, great isn’t it? Well as if there was a choice.Had there been a choice between ready made babies and those that you could create with “own flesh and blood”, I am sure almost 80-90 % of us would opt for ready made ones.I had a fun pregnancy, but I know of a dozen people who went through hell to have that precious bundle of joy.But alas those are mere thoughts, we have no choice, there are no ready made babies.

Lets look at another scenario of men having babies.Then even they would have given their flesh and blood.And we would have canonized fatherhood.I understand and agree that a mother teaches a child values, beliefs, the good from the bad.Agreed.But should we forget the role of a father.And should we forget about mothers who themselves cannot handle their lives, leave alone their child’s.

I give it to you, that you are a good mother trying to teach everything to the child and yet if your child knows no right from wrong, becomes a notorious terrorist, you are the first to be ostracized in the society.Why go to that lengths, even if your child lags behind in school, the questioning needle first comes on the mother.Isn’t being a self sacrificing saint too much of a burden.So yeah mothers compete to be known as the best.So all the sacrifice is again in their interest.They want to be known as the mother of tomorrow’s world leaders.Sign of self-less act?

Who wants to be known as the mother of a terrorist, a serial killer, a shooter.None.Did they fail?Did they not give not give their life and blood?They did.But their motherhood is not saintly.Nobody will wish them a happy mother’s day.Because they created demons.

Read an article in today’s Times of India which says “Can mothers stop terrorism? “. Really? Yeah really?

No human being is self-less.As mothers and fathers we love to see ourselves in our kids.We tell them our stories, because  we know that in their form we live on.We secretly or unknowingly hope to fulfill our long lost aspirations, dreams in our kids.Outwardly of course  we deny that.We say we give them choice.But secretly we dream for them.And if they are not fulfilled we turn bitter.And when we grow old we tell stories of how we raised the most ideal kids.Thats the ultimate dream.God forbid, you are unlucky you may have no story to tell.

Hence overall parenting as a whole is overrated.We definitely love our kids, but we are all selfish.Procreation is a natural process for life to go on.Do not canonize it.We are all too human for it.

And as for mother’s day, the newspaper is full of articles about sacrificing mothers, lovely mothers, yoga mothers to cyber mothers.I wish at least once the media expands its thoughts to the mothers you are unfortunate and do not have their babies, in spite of trying forever.Shed a tear for them.Highlight  story of an adoption.Talk of a gay men couple becoming the most ideal mothers.Talk of a girl who refuses to have kids out of choice but mothers the stray dogs world-over.For once give a thought to the term mother.

Motherhood

I am still mid-way writing Apple’s birth story,but an update from a new mom-friend of mine on FB made be write this post.This friend is all ecstatic and happy embracing motherhood.So here’s my story and why it took me so long to become a happy mother

Last year after all the waiting when Apple was born, it was a very tiring, traumatic day for me.Obviously I was happy holding that beautiful little bundle of joy.But before she came out the entire labor part had drained me completely.As I read and hear new moms talk of how they took to the mommy part immediately forgetting their pains and their bodies, I feel guilty.

I adored Apple, but I took time becoming her mom.On the other hand Adam was hands on from the very moment they handed her to him.I had no energy after a 16 hour labor to hold her, I was torn apart and stitched and the last thing I wanted was sleep.I remember holding Apple for sometime, but then getting worried that I would drop her.

Even when we came back home, the first few months of her life Apple heard a lot of chaos in her new home.There were two old ladies fighting their way out to emerge winners in “I rule the home” race, a cranky me with all the fighting taking its toll on me and obviously a cranky Apple.

But generally Apple was a happy child and yet it was only when Apple probably turned 4 months old that I could handle her and love her the way I wanted.Part of the blame goes on Adam, for being the over the top worried father, never trusting my mothers instincts.And of course I was to be blamed to a great extent, never asking people to shut up about my daughter whom I raised in my tummy for 9 months.I was a coward and people made me feel incompetent.Every time I held her I was worried that they would fault me.Or worse I would harm her.Add to all this was my diagnosis of an extremely active Thyroid, making me moody, tired and exhausted

Eventually I got my “me-time” with Apple,my best time with her in Nov-Dec 2012, when I used to be all alone with Apple for the entire day.I really connected with her.Today I know I am enough to take care of her.Today If people see faults in my upbringing, I will live with the faults, guilt free.I know my child’s well-being and I can take care

Today I bounce with joy when Apple said her first word, or tries to complete “Twinkle-twinkle” with “sky” in her own cute ways.I also worry when she doesn’t eat enough, I also scold her if she’s naughty.If I feel she is not ready for something I take a call.At least I know I am responsible for whichever ways she turn out to be.

All that I want my little one is to be caring, confident and never let people tell her that she can’t do something.

It took me a year to become a confident and strong mother and I know what to teach my little one

I know she will become a good human being