I am still mid-way writing Apple’s birth story,but an update from a new mom-friend of mine on FB made be write this post.This friend is all ecstatic and happy embracing motherhood.So here’s my story and why it took me so long to become a happy mother
Last year after all the waiting when Apple was born, it was a very tiring, traumatic day for me.Obviously I was happy holding that beautiful little bundle of joy.But before she came out the entire labor part had drained me completely.As I read and hear new moms talk of how they took to the mommy part immediately forgetting their pains and their bodies, I feel guilty.
I adored Apple, but I took time becoming her mom.On the other hand Adam was hands on from the very moment they handed her to him.I had no energy after a 16 hour labor to hold her, I was torn apart and stitched and the last thing I wanted was sleep.I remember holding Apple for sometime, but then getting worried that I would drop her.
Even when we came back home, the first few months of her life Apple heard a lot of chaos in her new home.There were two old ladies fighting their way out to emerge winners in “I rule the home” race, a cranky me with all the fighting taking its toll on me and obviously a cranky Apple.
But generally Apple was a happy child and yet it was only when Apple probably turned 4 months old that I could handle her and love her the way I wanted.Part of the blame goes on Adam, for being the over the top worried father, never trusting my mothers instincts.And of course I was to be blamed to a great extent, never asking people to shut up about my daughter whom I raised in my tummy for 9 months.I was a coward and people made me feel incompetent.Every time I held her I was worried that they would fault me.Or worse I would harm her.Add to all this was my diagnosis of an extremely active Thyroid, making me moody, tired and exhausted
Eventually I got my “me-time” with Apple,my best time with her in Nov-Dec 2012, when I used to be all alone with Apple for the entire day.I really connected with her.Today I know I am enough to take care of her.Today If people see faults in my upbringing, I will live with the faults, guilt free.I know my child’s well-being and I can take care
Today I bounce with joy when Apple said her first word, or tries to complete “Twinkle-twinkle” with “sky” in her own cute ways.I also worry when she doesn’t eat enough, I also scold her if she’s naughty.If I feel she is not ready for something I take a call.At least I know I am responsible for whichever ways she turn out to be.
All that I want my little one is to be caring, confident and never let people tell her that she can’t do something.
It took me a year to become a confident and strong mother and I know what to teach my little one
I know she will become a good human being